I Did a Very Bad Thing

Not bad as in drugs or anything, what, you think I’m a fucking addict, don’t you.
Well, I probably would do.
But that’s beside the point.

So today I had the plan to go downtown to school to volunteer for the whole day.
And so I did.
Go downtown that is.
So I was told volunteer was 1-9pm and I have decided to go early downtown to enjoy a little bit of coffee and to be up with some people before.
It was all going well as planned.
Until it hit 1pm and knowing me, I was too lazy.
But I dragged my butt to the place of volunteering by 1:40pm-ish.
And when I got there I was told that it actually starts at 3pm.
But I was hoping kind of hoping to leave around 3pm to continue hanging out with people at 3pm. I know, terrible of me.
As 3pm slowly approached I kind of didn’t want to leave.
But I did anyways.
And I kind of hoped that I would return to volunteering around 6pm-ish.
But guess who didn’t.
This stupid, terrible gal.
Yup that’s right, I dipped.

I instead hung out with people that I see often.
I should have been very guilty, but I guess not guilty enough to actually make me go.
Gosh, I am terrible. I still feel bad.
I hung out with the guy I used to somewhat like and with other people.
One of the guy left earlier, I should have left with him..
And then there were two other females.
I did have fun though.
But doesn’t get rid of my guilty conscious.
Gosh, and it’s not like I have a second chance of it since it was only yesterday and today.

Then as I was coming home and my mom picked me up I lied.
I lied.
I told her I was volunteering.
To make me feel even worse, my mom was all “don’t you feel good, and warm after doing good deed?”
And I just nodded and agreed.
I can’t believe I did this even after saying that I needed to change my ways and get my shit together.
Clearly I’m off to a bad start.
I really need to change. Change for the better.
But no use feeling bad about it now since it won’t do me any good other than to just move on and to learn from it.I can’t continue living like this.
I need to get my life together and realize that yes, friends are important but helping the need should be placed higher on my priority chart.
I could also have made new friends and connections at volunteering.
I miss my opportunity to make new friends, to meet new people to bond with old people and friends. Was it worth it? I’m still not too sure.


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