3/365: State of Mind

My mind is currently in the state it would be when it is 12:00AM. But it’s only 10:11PM. I wonder, can you ever get enough sleep. At this point in mind, my answer is easily no.

I had work today at 2:00PM and I woke up at 1:35PM. I think that pretty much sums up how my life is right now.
I initially woke up at 11:45-ish and told myself that I would stay in the warmth of my bed for just another 5 minute. That turned into two hours.

Work was busy. But when is it not during the weekend.
I have work again tomorrow, and massive number of tasks to check off on my check-list for school.
Gosh, I am so behind on everything. On life.

Thinking about it makes me feel motivated and hopeless at the same time. A part of me wants to get started on everything and get things done. Better sooner than later. It tells me that I can do it, that I can get through it and that I will be okay. It tells me that the headache I have will go away once I start my work and stop stressing out. But another part of me tells me that I can’t. That I just want to give up. The headache I have right now is enough of a reason to just crawl back in bed, and that there will always be time later.

But later when?

There never seem to be enough time, but when is there ever.

I just need to power through for another month and a half. That everything will be all worth it soon.
That all loss of sleep and forcing myself to get work done will be reflected in my final grades and that it will all be good. The massive hours of work my manager gives me will be good and beneficial for when Christmas time rolls around.

Remember how much you love Christmas and buying presents?
Just keep that in mind when you are working and tired and don’t want to work anymore.

Remember how great it felt when you got that 95% on your midterm and things?
Hold onto that feeling and remind yourself what everything is really for.

Never lose sight of why you started something. Never lose joy in something you once enjoyed because how you temporarily feel right now due to the multiple things that are happening in your life.

Remember that you can do it and that you have done it before.
You are always so much better and have so much more potential than you think you do.
You are one great human being.

Don’t waste your life stressing out.
If you want to give yourself a treat of an episode of a show, go for it.
Do it without feeling guilty and learn how to stop after one episode and get your work done.
No reason to stress because you got it all under control. You may think like you don’t but that’s only in your mind.
Don’t think about the future or that past.
Don’t think about how much time you have left, don’t calculate.
Don’t think about how things were like in the past. You are not who you were 1 second ago, and I can vouch for that.
I am not the same person I was when I started writing this blog, and you can tell that I am different.

I am going to indulge in one episode of Witches of East End and get checking on my check-list.


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