Does being tired ever end. Does it ever go away, because frankly, I am so tired of always feeling tired.
I hate feeling like I always need to force myself to get out of bed, and get myself moving. I have the feeling of forcing my own body to function against its will. It’s my body, so why do I feel so forced? Something beyond me is keeping me down. I just want to feel effortless to move. To function.
I hate how I always try to sleep for another hour or so even after I naturally wake up. Which leads to more feelings of grogginess. My mind and body tells me to sleep for another hour or so and it convinces me that I need to. But if I wake up naturally, isn’t that the body’s way to telling me that I should wake up? But why does it wake me just to make me go back to sleep.
I hate how I never feel like doing anything due to the lack of energy I have. Why can’t I feel excited and energized to make plans? Why do making plans and doing things with the people I care about seem like such a chore. Why does everything seem like a chore. Why can’t I just enjoy anything. Even doing things that I like seem like a chore.
I hate how I make plans for myself but never work out. How I plan my day out and the things that I want to accomplish, but never do. I want to, but I just can’t. I feel too tired to even watch shows, cartoons and movies. I can’t keep a focus.
I hate feeling like there is something wrong with me. I just tell myself that I need more rest. But how much more rest do I need? Why can’t I feel energized after a good night sleep? Sometimes I feel like the only one who feels this way. I feel like no one understand. If I tell someone, I fear that they will just tell me to get my lazy arse moving. But that’s not what it is. I promise.
Maybe I need to think less and do more.
Maybe it’s just that I put too much thought into what I want to do to the point it seems dreadful.
I’m good with getting things done. I’m good at being places where I need to be, like school and work. I can get myself moving because there is no putting that off.
I just need to think less.
Just get things done.
Sometimes I have some form of seasonal depression.
But maybe I don’t. I probably don’t I shouldn’t be thinking such thing because it’s not a light issue.
But I just want to avoid everyone and everything.
I just want to be left alone with my bed. No work, no assignments, no papers, no readings.
I want to read.
Not readings for school, but for myself.
Maybe that’s what I need to take time out for.
To give myself some stories.
Also, I think I’m going to try to blog 5 days every week.
Also, I want to start writing blogs and include pictures of my outfit and what my day looks like.
I think this is my way of slowly getting into vlogging. But I’m too awkward for vlogging, so this is what I will do. But only when the weather gets warmer.
It looks so nice outside but I feel dreadful.