Posted in Daily Life

Feeling in the dumps

I’m not sure how things work anymore

Some say that life is a puzzle and you need to find the two pieces that fit together,
but lately I feel like there are no two pieces that fit.
That my life is a box of unwanted and lost puzzle pieces, and I’m frantically trying to put it together

I just feel plain ol’ down in the dumps.
Sometimes I try to say things to make other people see a new perspective but they find a way to turn it around.
To criticize everything.
To make it sound like other people’s perspectives are no big deal and the way they see the world is the most difficult the world can be.
But it’s not.

Earlier, I was trying to explain to my mom that there are single mom is a much worse situation than she is.
Single moms is much more difficult financial situations and life circumstances.
But she doesn’t get it.
She says “but they get money from the government, what do they have to worry about?”
And I tried to explain to her that it’s not that simple, but she thinks it is and refuses to understand because she doesn’t know.
And honestly, I don’t even know. I only know a glimpse of what happens in their life through what I learn, but I know in reality that it’s much more worse than what they teach us and what we hear about.
All the stories and movies of children being taken away are so real.
There is so much to know, but we mindlessly deny other perspectives and see how good we have everything.
Because there is always someone out there that would rather be you than anyone else.

Today is just one of those days where everything is sad.
The world is sad.
The society is sad.
Everyone seems sad.

I feel heavy with all the weight on my shoulders.
Although it is not much, I am just overwhelmed, forgive me.
I don’t mean to complain, but I do.
I’m afraid I won’t get all my work done.
And if I do manage to get all my work done, I fear that I don’t do well.
That my marks will be low and I will be in sorrow.
I am exhausted.
I work part-time, and I know that it’s not an uncommon things, but I honestly do not know how people do it.
Maybe they are productive almost all the time.
Maybe I’m just very unproductive and slow.
Everything just feels heavier.

Somedays, I feel like I can do everything.
Somedays, I feel like I am nothing.

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