Clouds of grey

Everything is just spinning out of control.

I need to spin my mind around

Maybe the more negative thoughts I have, the more negative events that happen even though they are not related to my thoughts.

I just really don’t know.
And I am doubting everything.

Someone help me.
I need to help myself.
But who am I to help.

Today I worked for 8 hours.
Yesterday I worked for 4 hours.
Friday I worked for 7 hours.
Tomorrow, I work for 6 hours.
I have school tomorrow.
I have things to get done.
What am I doing.

Today, two customers bought things and demanded a refund, which I have no authority to do.
But they were those customers.
For one of them, I managed to offer something else in exchange, although it took about 15 minutes. After the exchange, I messaged my manager hoping that her mom would see it to tell her that no store credit was given, so that she is aware when she is counting the till and everything else.
After calling my manager, and having her mom pick up the phone because she’s on vacation.
Even her mom doesn’t have the authority to do refunds.
I thought that was that. But I was not going to get off that easily.
The exact same thing happened. At 5:59PM. I close at 6:00PM.
She wouldn’t leave. She wouldn’t even listen to me.
She was dumb. She is dumb.
I shouldn’t say that. I shouldn’t think that.
But I couldn’t get myself to call the manager’s mom again. Mainly because I know it’s not going to go anywhere, and I didn’t want to bother her.
So I had enough and just gave her the money back, but in my mind I threw it at her.
I hope I never see her again. Man, do I hate her.
I’m sorry you don’t like the cake you got, but you can’t just expect a refund for it just because it doesn’t suit your taste buds. That’s how the cake is.
Some people are dumb.
You can’t buy a cake and just return after eating bites of it because you don’t like it. Because it may be too sweet. That’s not the fucking baker’s problem. That is yours.
Whatever. It is done.

I’m just exhausted.
I tried.
I’m trying.
But I don’t know where this is leading me to.
I want to quit.
Maybe I should just get a new job or something.
My life is just hanging off a cliff and it’s raining.
I want to let go, but I fear that if I do, I’m going to land in a place far worse than where I am now.


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