Sooner or later

It’s probably really bad that I do not commit to writing, but I forget and I get tired and I slack.

But, I feel super anxious right now.

So yesterday, I issued a gift card of $50. But it was paid “manual”.
I’m not 100% sure what this means, but I know that the store does not get money from any “manual” payments.
I noticed. But I couldn’t get myself to say anything.
I didn’t want to get into an argument with the customer. It’s forever my nightmare.
I knew my manager would notice, but I didn’t know she would be singling people out.
I thought she would just make a general note of how this event has happened.
But since she asked directly, I’m guessing to everyone that worked during the time frame, I owned up to my mistake.
I probably should have said something at the time of the transaction but I was so scared.
But for next time, I will know. I will know of this incident and I will be able to speak up with courage.

After I admitted to the mistake, my manager said that she will talk to me when she sees me, which is next Sunday. Today is Monday. Does this mean that I have to live with this unknown feeling of anxiousness and guilt?
Me, not wanting to, asked her if it was okay that I come by later today.
I was hoping that she would say okay, but instead she said “don’t worry, I will see u on Sunday”
Does this mean that I’m safe?
I do not want to get on the bad side of her, or to be fired and have to live with that.
I also explained my situation and have apologized, so that should mean something, and as long as it doesn’t happen again.

I plan on quitting soon.
Because really, there should have been a manager working, but there wasn’t.
Normally I would turn to my co-worker, but the girl I was working with is only 15.
And also very shy and not outspoken.
If it was anyone else working with me, I would have asked them about it with more confidence. And have the confidence to speak up.
Also, it’s not my responsibility to be keeping an eye out for such transactions.
The machine approved, and therefore it’s good.
There’s not much I can argue with that.
If the customer says that machine approved it, then I have nothing else to rebut that or to show proof that it actually isn’t good even though it may have been approved.

I plan on finding a new job after I quit.
Maybe I will quit at the end of August, after a month of trying to make good with the manager, I will let her know that I will be quitting.
I just really want to end things on a good note.
My anxiety continues.
Sunday cannot come soon enough.
In addition, I have a midterm that I need to be focusing on, which will be much more difficult with this on my mind.


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