Day Six: Self Definition

I do not believe I know who I am.
It’s been 20 years and I still do not know.
Although this may seem normal, I don’t feel normal.
I am so vulnerable and mouldable.
This is why I keep a hard shell, to try to defend myself from being moulded by everything and everyone around me.
Everything I see and everyone I see moulds me.
I do not have a strong root of who I am.
I have lived my life according to who I thought everyone else wanted me to be that I missed my exit.
I need to form myself as a person, but I am too vulnerable.
Whenever I try, I fall.
I’m liquid at room temperature.
I feel that I need to be isolated to find who I am.
Isolated from everything and everyone.
But I don’t want to be alone.
I am scared.
Is this normal?
I don’t feel that it is because I don’t feel normal, I don’t feel okay.
I don’t even know what I’m doing.

So from this day on, I am going to define my life secluded from everyone and everything.
I’m going to express my life.
I am going to take note of all things that make me truly feel good and happy.
I am going to make a list of everything I am interested, everything I am good at, everything I want to do and everything I like.

So here, I add a new task to my journey.
I am lost in the sea and instead of swimming to my destination, or trying to find it, I am pushed by the slightest wind.

I know who I am and I accept me just as I am able to know others and accept them for them.
To love.

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