4. All of the feelings

I sit here.
It’s 12:27AM with things to do and everything on my mind filling with so many feeling.
More feelings than I know what to do with.

Exhausted.
From getting no days off, at all for the last couple months.
Constantly having my mental, physical and spiritual energy drained from me.

Hopeless.
Having to much to do and not knowing where to start.
Wanting to get everything but getting nothing done at all.

Nervous and anxious.
Time is passing by so fast.
It was just yesterday that I was in first year.
So young, innocent and excited.
Now, so dull.
Looking into the future and realizing that it’s so close.
Wanting to get a high enough GPA to be accepted into a graduate school for the master’s program I want.

Sad.
My time will come.
I will graduate.
All my friends will find their way because I believe in them.
To join the real world, the unexpected.
Leaving what I know and the people I am comfortable with.
Not being able to have made enough memories to last me for however long I need.

Proud.
I came so far from such little hope.

Disappointed.
From the life I have.
It’s such a privilege to be in a position I am now, but I am drained to enjoy it.
I only complain.
Wanting more and better.
I should be doing better.
Working harder to achieve the things I need.
Stop waiting for things to happen.

Happy.
For all the things I have endured.
For all the people that are in my life.
For all the opportunities I have had.
For all the opportunities that I will have.
For all the adventures and good things that I can have in the future.

So much more.
Unable to put them into words.
All the feelings, emotions melting into one, creating a giant slim in my chest.

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