This is who I have become. Maybe it’s normal to feel this way, but I don’t want to. But I know there is a reason for this feeling.
It’s making me feel suffocated, so here I let it out.
I don’t like it when people feel the need to apologize to me for responding late. I feel like they’re apologizing because they feel sorry for me, that I was starting a conversation because I have nothing better to do and them, being the busy people they are, couldn’t respond and therefore, they are sorry.
Sometimes people don’t respond and I know they’re still close to me. I don’t expect a respond from you, sometimes I do, but sometimes I don’t. And even when you don’t respond even when I talk to you expectingly, it’s fine.
But I guess I feel kind of betrayed
I feel betrayed because you used to make time to at least msg me back saying that you were doing something.
That you were eating.
Out with family.
Or you would respond after saying that you were out doing something, but without an apology.
Now, you apologize and see no need to talk to me, because you were with your boyfriend. I guess that’s what.
That now you prioritize differently.
And I can feel it.
And you make me feel this way.
But you don’t realize it.
I want you to know but I won’t tell you because it’ll just make me seem petty,
and I’m afraid you’ll further push me down your list when I bring it up.
And here I thought, nothing would come between us.
I tried, and you pretended to go along
I didn’t believe it, but I guess I hoped and it got the better of me
because I believed.
Now I’m just reminded again that I shouldn’t have,
making me feel smaller.
I guess you have let me go, and I should too
The friendship we once had
One that was once mutual
Isn’t mutual anymore.
On the opposite ends of the rubber band,
I keep walking further back because I trust you
Yet you seem to stay still,
because you know there is nothing more
and so it’s not worth the extra trust
the extra distance.
It’s my job to now slowly close the distance
and for the rubber band to be let go
You think I’m being dramatic
I don’t want to feel like this
I want to be there for you when things go bad
but I can’t be waiting for things to go bad
and for you to push me when things are good