Posted in Self-evaluation

16/365: Discovery

I need to start putting myself out there.
The world is a scary place, but without daring, how do I know it’s not for me?
The thought of it scares me, it gives me the jitters.
Makes me feel anxious and makes me feel like I can’t breathe.
This. All because of my simple thoughts. Never actually done.
I’m just scared.

I want to start meeting new people. This is partly the reason behind my Tinder. I want to meet new people, I feel like I’m running out of options.
But really, I can meet new people anywhere. It’s just daunting.
Daunting because it’s outside the norm.
Outside the norm to start conversations. To start talking to people. To interact. But isn’t that what we’re supposed to be most good at?
I guess our need for interaction has died off with the emphasis on independence.
But I want to meet people. I want to talk to people, I want to surround myself with supportive people, and also people I can support.
I want to feel a part of something, something beyond just me, myself and I.

I want to spread joy and I want to feel joy.
I want others to feel safe around me, I want to provide that space.

So, starting now, I’m looking for outings that I can join in on.
I’m look at book clubs.
This will encourage me to read more now that I’m not in school anymore, I’m hoping I’ll be able to spend more time reading.
It’ll also allow me to share my thoughts, to formulate thoughts and analyze books with other people, and learn how to analyze better. To understand people and to see their point of views.
This is my starting point, I’m not sure what other kinds of outings there will be.
But this will be good for me.
If one doesn’t fit, another will do.
I’m looking for friends to enjoy life with, to spend late nights with, to travel with, to celebrate with.

I know that I already have friends to do that with, but I want to see what other kinds of people are out there.
I want to be able to share memories.
I know I don’t have many kindergarten and grade school friends because I’ve moved. If I haven’t moved, it’ll be a whole other story, I’d have friends that I’ve had for a lifetime, be able to share childhood stories. I don’t have that and all my other friends do, and I feel like I’m missing out. So I’m on a road to make up for that.
I know that I don’t get to have childhood memories with friends anymore, but I can make new great ones with great people.
I want people to look back on when I’m 40, 50 years old.

I’m creating my memories of youth for my older self.
People to grow old with.
People I can share my news of future celebrations.
That when one day I have children, I can bring them to see the children of my friends’.
To have double dates with.
To travel with.
For excitement.

I’m only 22.
It’s great because I have so much time, yet not enough.
My realization is a little late, but still time for hope.

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Searching | Taurus | Food

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