28/365: An open letter to my friends

Hi friends, you will probably never read this because I haven’t disclosed my blog to anyone.
But this is for you.
I want to tell this to you, but I’m afraid that you’ll see me differently.
I have a different side to me.
A side that bottles up emotions.
A side of me that feels, a lot. More than I would like to.
A part of me that never feels good enough.
A part of me that I cover up with a part of me that you know me as.

I want all of you to know that you are such great people.
I want all of you to know that you have so much potential, and never settle, in any aspect of your life.
I want all of you to know that you have made a difference in my life, in helping me to understand other people and myself.
You have helped me through.
I just hope that I do the same for you.

I’m going to write this in the order that I have met them.
They’re not just the first 3 people that I have met, there were other people too.
But the first 3 people that I have connected with and continue to connect with.

1. Kel.W.
You were the first person that I have met entering a strange new world.
I forced myself to step outside my comfort zone and volunteer for a school that I haven’t even attended yet.
I remember you talked to me.
I was shy, so I had no intention, really, to talk to people. The best effort I would have put forth was to look approachable.
But we talked, mixing pancake batter.
You have no clue how relieved I was.
You were nice to me.
I had someone to talk to, and that really helped me through.
I know you struggled a lot throughout the school year, but you made it through and you will make it through.
I hope that I have provided the same kind of support that you have shown me on that first day.
I dreaded going volunteer the next day, but thanks to you I was looking forward to it.
University was tough, really tough. But you helped me through, a lot.
You supported me. You stayed with me. You made sure that I ate. You made sure that I was okay.
I’m okay now.
I hope I can continue to do my part as a friend and support you in your endeavours and in finding your first boyfriend.

2. Stef.M.
We met volunteering too.
I was so glad.
You were so nice, enthusiastic, welcoming.
You accepted me.
We talked, and easily you become my first good friend in university.
It was your second year and I know you had your friends.
It was the beginning of the year, and I basically had no one, but I think you held us together, until it fell apart.
All of our naps and snack times helped me through the large gaps between my classes.
I so looked forward to coming to classes and then having my breaks with you.
You shared yourself with me, and it made me want to share so much of me with you.
For once in my life, I felt safe to talk about how I felt.
Not going to lie, after 4 years, I’m still working on it.
But thank you.
You help me to realize that I can do so much better. Thank you for always supporting me and being there for me.
Thank you for being happy for me and talking me through the hard times.
Thank you for listening.
You are such a wonderful soul, and sometimes I wonder how or who I would be if I hadn’t met you.
You have really sparked my journey on self growth, acceptance, and love.
I want to be there for you, and I hope you feel that way.
I hope I make you feel safe and never judged.
I want you to know and want to express that I accept all parts of you.

3. A.Key
Hi, my first social work buddy.
I sat beside you after entering the wrong class.
I’m so glad I sat beside you. You probably thought who is this girl sitting beside me. But I did.
I think I just wanted to sit somewhere in the front, as a part of my new “being a good student” thing.
I don’t know how we got to talking, but it happened. And somehow, starting second day, we sat beside each other.
Usually that doesn’t happen. It’s usually just a talk and then moving on to sit somewhere else after.
Maybe we also had a class together after, maybe.
And before I knew it, I had a friend.
And after 4 years, I still feel like it was just yesterday that we met.
You are so kind and open. You express yourself.
You are considerate and accepting.
You accept me for who I am, for all the stupid mistakes that I have made.
You open up to me, maybe. But I hope that as time goes along, we can open up more about ourselves, understanding that it is free from judgement.

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