1/365: Troubled.

Today, I finally landed back on homeland. The place I was born, and a place I’m proud to call home.
I never grew up here. I moved to Canada when I was 6 years old, with my family of course. We decided to make the move. It was for the better. A better lifestyle, a better education, and a better future.

Day 5: Value and Worth

I constantly wonder if I have found my self-worth and value.
How much do I value myself.
How does society value me and does that really matter?
Although I have not been a first-hand victim of severe racism, I know how bad things can get.
Society has shown me and told me.
Through the media, it tells me that I am less.
I try not to let it bother me or get to me, but I’m pretty sure I have just mastered the art of internalizing it subconsciously and automatically.
It’s not about ignoring what the media says because that is still a form of internalization.
It is not about acting ‘white’ because that is still a form of internalization.
It is about realizing that you are radicalized but that doesn’t define you.
Being different doesn’t lower your value.
We live on a spectrum, not a scale.
We are everything and nothing simultaneously.
We are different and we have different experiences.

Society tells me that I am lower.
But I need to deconstruct where that is coming from and learn not to let it affect me.
Accept my differences and see them as contributing to the person I am.
I am not any less than the person next to me.
What sets our values and worth are how we hold ourselves and how we perceive ourselves.

I need to work on myself because I still often find myself wanting to assimilate into the white culture.
And although there is nothing wrong with that, I wouldn’t reject my own.