I’m Lazy

Fucking deal with it.
We all are, deal with it.
Don’t hate just because I’m better at accepting and embracing the fact than you.
You all lazy fuckers in denial.

Why is being lazy so frowned upon?
You all hypocrites.
It’s really not that bad.
I mean, we aren’t lazy ALL the times.
Just most of the time.
Which is kind of like all the time.
But still.
It’s really not that bad.

Okay, I have way too many things I want to say in this post regarding this topic and I tried to make it somewhat organized so I spent much time trying to make is sequential but I give up. I can’t, I just can’t.
But pat on the back for trying.

Oh great, now I forgot what I was going to write because of stupid text messages and didn’t want to be a fucking jerk for responding 29149028401 years later.

Oh right.
Don’t expect me to do things with you, this should be a given.
I swear it should be in like a friendship contract or something.

“I am lazy and not willing to do many activities that require me to dress nice
If you are still willing to be my friend sign here

______________”

That would be very helpful and whenever my friends complain about me being lazy I can just pull it out and refresh their memory.

But it’s not all bad.
Because I am lazy, very lazy, I have low standards of what is considered fun.
Well, low expectations in general.
Low expectations of people.
But then when my low expectations are proven true I get all emotional and sad.
Hmm…
I don’t think I can count that as a pro…Oh, I save you money.
Since I am lazy to do outdoor activities, I keep you from doing outdoor activities and spending money too.
You’re welcome.
Also, I remind you of all the fun that you can have in your house too.
Don’t get dirty with me.
Don’t ruin my innocent mind you filthy minded people.

Okay, actually no.
It’s not that great being friends with someone lazy.
I mean, I wouldn’t want to be friends with me for the most time.
Sometimes I get so lazy that I avoid any events that lead me to take a shower, yeah, it’s true.
Sometimes I won’t shower unless I HAVE to go somewhere and need to be presentable because not showering for 3 days is socially unacceptable.
I know y’all do it do, don’t be all “EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.”
You fucking hypocrite.
Don’t judge me, this is supposed to be an open space.
But don’t worry, I don’t have lice or anything.
And I do brush my teeth ok, I’m anal about brushing my teeth.
Okay, not when I get super lazy then it’s just all “Fuck it.”

(I’m not even going to put a proper ending for this because I’m too lazy to make one up, yeah, no closure for you.)

Bird Incident #1

Birds are evil, I swear they are.
I’m not really sure if I already made a post able my hatred for birds.
Yeah, I don’t care about what you have to say about them, don’t try to defend them because they are not the victim here!

I’m debating whether or not I should list my reasons for hating birds and my bird incidents in the same post or not.
Hmmm…
Okay, whatever, same post it is. It’ll just be a really lost post.
Actually no, I’m going to make them into different posts.
I’ll just save this as draft and come back to it after I finish my post about hating birds.

Okay, so I initially planned on writing three bird stories in one post but then I realized that I can just split them into separate posts to have more things to post.
Can you say GENIUS?

So here is one.
It happened when I was a child, I think I was about… 6 years old or so.
It was traumatizing.
It was in the states during the summer and I was signed up for some summer camp.
For the most part it was fun, I met some cool kids that I don’t even remember.
One evening after summer camp, I was eating Doritos-because I love food so sue me-outside with my aunts and cousins just because we could.
The summer camp was by some ocean, beach, lake thing where we occasionally went to row.

Oh, that reminds me of another traumatizing story, which was somewhat overcome but not really.Anyways, that’s besides the point.
I’m just casually standing there, MINDING MY OWN FUCKING BUSINESS when seagulls approach me and think it’s fucking funny to steal food from a fucking 6 year old.
Way to go seagulls, you are officially bullies.
Well, I’m not really sure they’re seagulls, but they were birds, fucking birds.
Within like 2 seconds I have a clan of birds surrounding me.
And like any NORMAL 6 year old, I start panicking.
I’m trying to run, BUT WHERE CAN I RUN TO, THEY’RE FUCKING SURROUNDING ME.
At this point my aunt is telling me to drop my bag of Doritos so that they can leave me alone.
But what do I do?
I’m all “NO, IT’S MY DORITOS, TELL THEM TO GET THEIR OWN!!!!!!!”
And I think my aunt kind of gave up on me.
Sheesh, sorry for being a fat child.
And I think this elevated my fear/hate for birds.
Fucking birds, fucking bullies.

The Story about Birds

If you were expecting some nice fucking story about how birds and wonderful and all that shit then bye.
This is the story about how hateful birds are.
And if you happen to like birds, your opinions are irrelevant.

Birds are fucking stupid.
I don’t care what scientific evidence there may be to support that they are in fact not stupid.
They are fucking stupid and that’s the end of it.
Why do you thick being called a “bird brain” is an insult?
Yeah, beat that.

They also shit everywhere like they fucking run the world.
Last time I checked girls run the world. Well, at least according to Beyoncé, and she’s like a fucking Goddess.
Like have some fucking manners and don’t fucking shit everywhere.
How rude.
So inconsiderate of other people.
They shit on cars, roads, on humans, and probably other animals too.
Like, t least have the courtesy to fucking land and take a shit so it doesn’t splatter everywhere.

Also, who the fuck said you can attack me for my food?
Go buy your own fucking food.
You don’t see me attacking you to steal your fucking crumbs.
Do you see me stealing the worms you dug up? NO

Oh, and could you not FUCKING BLOCK THE ROAD?
Like, I’m trying to walk by.
I get it that you are excited to have found food, but at least huddle on one side not fucking on the middle of the road.

Not to mention that they’re fucking evil.
They can kill you, I swear.
They’re all “let’s go hunt for our next victim”
Their beaks are fucking sharp and can slice through your flesh.
I have nightmares about this.
Just imagine how painful that death would be.
Eaten alive my birds
//shudder

Should I continue?

Their fucking claws.
I swear their claws can kill you too.
Everything about them can kill you.
You can even pet one and die from some kind of bird rabies.

I don’t think I should continue.
This is too much hate in one post than I have originally planned.

Reasons why you aren’t sleeping

Or possibly why you can’t sleep.

There are endless number of reasons why sleep isn’t an option for you or your friend tonight, or you might be reading this 3AM, who knows.

Here are list of reasons why sleep just isn’t an option:

1. You have challenged yourself to finish your favourite TV series
You simply will not sleep until you accomplish.
This is a terrible, TERRIBLE idea. Just saying.

2. Gaming, gaming, gaming.
This is another TERRIBLE idea.
You have successfully convinced yourself that ONE MORE FUCKING LEVEL and you’ll sleep. No, don’t lie to yourself, it isn’t healthy.
ONE MORE GAME and you’ll sleep, lol, what a joke. Omg so funny, you’re such a jokester. It’s a safer bet to hope for the electricity to go out in order for you to stop playing rather than having self control.
You have convinced yourself that you simply need to be better than everyone else that you know and you won’t stop until you have surpassed them. If that’s the case, I give you my best.

3. You’re a motherfucking rebel.
Congratulations.
You’re the baddest badass of them all.

4. You have that essay/assignment/homework to finish or an exam to study for.
Yay for procrastination. It’s amazing isn’t it. Why yes, yes it is.
Now you are blessed with an endless night of worry and stress to get your shit done.
And you probably won’t get your shit done properly because at this point you’re all like, “fuck this shit, i just need to get this done. shit, shit, shit, fuck, ugh, fuck it”
Yeah, we’ve all been there and we dread it, yet it happens more than we expect.

Now, here are some reasons why sleep isn’t your friend tonight:

1. “You’re awake in someone else’s dream”.
Yeah, bullshit.
Stop making excuses trying to make yourself feel better about not being able to sleep due to some psychological issue your facing.

2. You’re hungry.
You probably haven’t eaten in about 4+ hours.
Go give yourself some food.
Trust me.
I just had some food and now I feel like fucking dropping dead like a fucking hippo.

3. You’re probably too full.
Why the fuck would you stuff yourself before sleep?
Try waiting it out for an hour or two.
Yeah, your hunger level needs to be just right in order to fall asleep.

4. You’re probably too excited for the next day.
I know I told you that lying to yourself is bad, but in this situation, it’s probably your best chance at sleeping if you don’t want to be a zombie during your day of excitement.

5. You’re thinking too much.
Stop. Stop it right now. Think of a white canvas.
And some raindrops or some nature-y thing.
Thinking = anxiety.
Don’t be anxious. Who the fuck cares. Just fuck it. It’s probably not worth it.
Thinking = worrying.
Is that in the same family as anxiety?
Either way, stop. It’s not doing you any good if you haven’t noticed.Now close your fucking eyes and go the fuck to sleep.