Day 1: Letting it go

I don’t sleep.
I can’t sleep.
I feel anxious.
I feel anxious because I lost my Bronze Cross Certificate and need to find a way to get a new one as soon as possible or try to recall what I’ve done with it.
Being the hoarder that I am, I don’t think that I’ve thrown it out, but I might have.
I’m not sure.
I feel anxious because I couldn’t print out the End of Day report at work when I had to close.
I tried, but then later I forgot. I should have tried again, and it may have worked then. But I didn’t. Because I forgot. And now I have to tell my manager that I messed something up, again.
I try my best to never make mistakes but also keep my anxiety at bay. Sometimes, it don’t work out so well.
I’ll message her soon.
I feel anxious because I have a SOC midterm tomorrow and I do not feel prepared.
I feel anxious because I got a 70% on my paper, and I need to know how I did on my PSY midterm.
I feel anxious because I need to get started on my second paper soon, but haven’t started yet. Or even have the slightest idea of how I’m going to write it.
I feel anxious because I re-contacted old high school friends and they probably think I’m weird with an ulterior motive.
I feel anxious because I have to tell my manager that I will have to take days off.
I feel anxious about it because I am already taking days off due to my spring courses and not wanting to work so much.
I feel anxious because my eye feels weird. I just probably scratched it badly but I wonder ‘what if this eye irritation stays with me forever?’ ‘what if it’s something serious?’

But all this needs to stop. It needs to stop because all this anxiety is meaning less.
It’s causing me insomnia.
I haven’t slept in the last 2 days.
It’s causing me to lose weight.
I bruise easier.
I seem to be injuring myself accidentally more. By which I mean bumping into things, and scratching myself against it with no intention to do so.
It makes me avoid responsibilities.
I feel like everything is falling apart.
I just feel anxious.
Thoughts and scenarios run through my mind, and they’re all bad.
None of my anxious feelings matter.
They’re all in my mind, but I can’t stop it.
If I could, I would have. But I can’t.
I just keep thinking of all the bad situations and everything wrong with everything and anything.
When I see people’s lives falling in together, I get envious. I wonder why my life can’t be like that.
And then I try to tell myself that pictures are only part of the story.
But I refuse to believe it.

I need to let everything go.
I need to let myself go.
I need to let myself live.
I shouldn’t say that other have it easier and must be so nice.
I shouldn’t say that other have it much harder and I should be thankful for what I have.
I’m just basing myself off of other people with no reflection of me.
I need to focus on myself.
I think I have geared too much of myself towards others.
I am going to enjoy myself.
I am going to enjoy my life without fear of judgement.
I am going to embrace myself without judgement.
Because it’s just all me.
I am me critiquing myself.
I am also others critiquing myself.

I need to be me and accept it.
I need to find myself, build myself.
I need to enjoy myself.
I say ‘be your own best company’ but it turns out that I’m the loneliest I can be and my worst company.

I am letting it go.

Is judging really that bad?

I mean, think about it.
Did you think about it yet?

Now, I would like to know who goes a day WITHOUT judging anyone or anything.

We’re only humans.
Judging is a part of who we are.

Yes, judging people can sometimes reach an extreme where it begins to affect people negatively.
It can also cause bias, and many other social discriminations such as racism, sexist, ageism, and so forth.
But that’s in extreme cases.
I’m talking about just everyday judging.
People always make it sound so bad, but is it really?

What does it mean to judge?
Well, I think it’s just an opinion.
So by telling someone not to judge, or try not to judge is basically like telling them to stop having an opinion.
Isn’t that true?
If none of us had ANY opinion, then no one would be judging.
Robots don’t judge.

Judging is so frowned upon my everyone.
You probably judge other people AND still tell other people not to judge.

I think it’s just the person’s own perspective.
As corny as it may sound, we are ALL different and unique.

If I were to say, “Oh, I don’t like the colour of her hair.”
People would turn to me and say, “Quit judging.”
But I’m not really judging her, I’m having an opinion, is it really that bad.
And most of the time our “judgements” don’t even affect other people.
Yes, in some cases it might influence someone else’s view on something, but in that case it would no longer be judging, but just an act of persuasion.

Having opinions is what make humans unique from other organisms.

(I bet some of you read that as orgasm, don’t lie)

And if someone tells you to stop judging, aren’t they judging you from the fact that you “judge” other people.

Maybe this is why people try to fit in, and to be so different from who they are because somehow we can’t accept the fact that we have different opinions.
Here come’s another corny line, but you can’t please everyone.

We live our lives so scared of what others might say about us that we forget to express ourselves.
I don’t think it should be about trying NOT to judge other people, this may sound crazy, but trying to ACCEPT other people’s judgements and not give two shit about it.
To stop being so scared of everything.
So who cares if someone judges you, you probably judge other people too.
So why is it that we can judge other people, but we can’t stand the thought that someone might be judging us.

Just let it be, and be yourself.
If trying to please other people if who you are, then continue living your life trying to please other people.
You’re wasting your own precious time, not theirs.